Girls Nights Biggest Buzzkill

By: Kristy

When I read Gabrielle Bernstein’s article, “Kill the Neg-A-Thon” in the November issue of Cosmpolitan it was like dejavu. I had already starting writing a piece on this very topic, negative self talk with girlfriends. (Link to Cosmo article below, great read!)

Reading this article inspired me to finish my own piece! In case anyone wants my take on this as well.

“I feel fat”, a phrase commonly heard over and over by our girlfriends and by ourselves. Why do we put ourselves down like this? Most of the time when we critique ourselves, we are being over dramatic. Whatever we are putting ourselves down for isn’t even realistic. So why do we do it?

I for one, am no saint here. I have spoken negatively of myself countless times, especially when it comes to my weight and appearance. Now that I’m really thinking about this, I knew when I would say, “I’ve gained weight” and “I’m fat”  I wasn’t ACTUALLY fat, I was being absolutely ridiculous. So why would I say that about myself?

At first reflection, I thought I would say these things because I was hoping for positive affirmations from my girlfriends, but even when I would get those, I would think, “ya, ya they’re supposed to say that”. It wouldn’t lift my spirits at all, and I would still feel just as bad about myself. (Refer to Regina George’s, “shut up” when her friends tell her she doesn’t need to lose weight.)

So with positive affirmations being less than helpful, what did I hope to accomplish? It’s not like saying that shit out loud creates instant weight loss! My negative self talk not only is a buzzkill on girls night, it also puts my friends in a classic no win situation. To help me feel better they couldn’t be positive with me. So when they would do the opposite and suggest a new class or a juice cleanse, I would feel even worse. These helpful suggestions would make me think, “Oh shit they agree, I do need to lose weight.” And my insecurities would go from hypothetical “I’m probably being ridiculous” to “holy shit, holy shit, where is the nearest gym?”.

However, more often then not, our girlfriends completely skip over our insecurities and negative self talk and flip it to themselves. “If it makes you feel any better I had 2 reese’s cups after lunch today” or “I know girl, I totally gained 3 pounds” are common responses, furthering the negative banter. No girl is ever going to be comforted by the fact their girlfriend also feels like shit about herself. Why would she? After a girlfriend topic shifts to her own insecurities, guess what, I STIll feel like shit, and now so does she. An evening that should have been filled with giggles and stories on latest romances, shopping, and girl talk shifts to insecurity and anx. Not good, right?

So basically my thoughts on negative self talk with girlfriends can be summed up in one word, nine letters; p-o-i-n-t-l-e-s-s. Girls nights and girl talk should remain fun and light hearted; an escape from our worries and stressors of the day to day. When we bring negative self talk to the table we ruin the fun for everyone, especially for ourselves. I hope someday we all realize this.

But from here on out I want to try and stop this in my own life, it shouldn’t be too hard to do! I feel like stopping to think for one second before engaging in negative self talk is all it will take to hault my words. We should affirm our decision to zip-the-lip by knowing its not worth being “that girl”, and the buzz kill if the night. Let’s vow to keep it light ladies, light hearted that is 🙂

http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/advice/a31770/tips-to-stop-beating-yourself-up/